I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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