You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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