Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So many bounce houses so little time
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
