there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
