just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
