My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
