Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I supernannyed him into submission
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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