can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
