nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
