Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
