if i can run in heels then i can drive
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
sex in a hospital.. check
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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