how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
