tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
