fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize