I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I have fence marks all over my body
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
