you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
