Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
