Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
