Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
