Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize