What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
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I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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