he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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