im six kinds of drunk right now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
