all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
