Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
