After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
