At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
