Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
