so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
