call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
