I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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