Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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