the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
