He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
