also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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