dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
