We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
