dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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