if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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