Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
