just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
