okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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