I am puke
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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