i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
