can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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