I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
