It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
