i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
