That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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