I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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