I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize