I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
