i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
