Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
