You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize