He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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