If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
