is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
