The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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