Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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