In the future we'll all be gay
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
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