I'm pants shitting drunk right now
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
