I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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